Since I was diagnosed, I've learned about a variety of physical symptoms that accompany my mental ones. Each time I experience one, I have to admit that I feel a tiny bit of relief. I'm a little relieved that I have evidence (as though my experiences aren't evidence enough) of my condition. I don't think those with mental illnesses are alone in feeling like this: I'm sure sufferers of migraines or other chronic illnesses sometimes feel frustrated that they "look just fine" even though their world is collapsing around them.
That being said, here are a few physical symptoms of depression that I find particularly interesting. Albert Einstein said that if you cannot explain something simply, you do not understand it well enough; let it be very clear that the fact that I can explain some of these things briefly do not mean I understand them well.
1) Sugar cravings and depression. When I am depressed I crave carbs like my life depends on it and even more interestingly, I actively avoid high protein foods. Blood sugar levels are linked to serotonin production, so my body is actually trying to up my serotonin level (of course, eating lots of refined sugars leads to a crash in sugar and potentially serotonin, so this is not the best long term self medication strategy). I once read a book that recommended eating a potato a night to help depression as potatoes are the perfect mix of sugar and starch: I haven't tried this but I don't doubt that it would at least positive short term effects. This is a great example of the ways that the physical manifestations of depression can affect your life in addition to the physical ones: periodic, all consuming sugar cravings don't do wonders for weight loss efforts. It's not easy telling your body that it wants salmon when you know that eating bread will make your mind feel better for a few hours.
2) Sleep deprivation and depression. This article in NYTimes about a year ago prompted good discussion about the effect of sleep deprivation in treating postpartum depression. Sleep deprivation is one of the most common triggers and symptoms of mania. I know from experience that sleep deprivation can be a very useful way to keep depression at bay for a few days; however, if you're bipolar it can swing you back around the other way. 3) Cognitive functionality and depression. See here for a literature review on the effects of depression on different types of cognitive functions. I feel a series of conflicting emotions when I read an article like this: I know that depression is linked to processing speed, but I'm sad I know it, but I'm really happy that you know it now! This one is particularly difficult because many medications that treat mental illness, such as lithium, have as a side effect the feeling of mental lethargy or tiredness. There have been several times over the past two years when I've almost stopped taking my medications because of this feeling, only to feel the fog lift, like the fog over San Francisco on a summer day, just a few days later. This is another example of the ways that the physical manifestations of depression, not only the mental ones, can severely impact one's quality of life. There are days, sometimes a week, at work when I simply know that I'm not myself, that I'm sleep deprived and having a tough time remembering my boss' name, and it doesn't do great things for my self confidence.
This might seem like a particularly self indulgent blog post: does she really need to document the particular physiology of her disease? In fact I do: In fact this evidence makes me feel better about my illness and my diagnosis while at the same time making me feel much worse about almost everything else. It is hard for someone who pushes herself to achieve, to always be better and better, to be told that she has limitations and immutable characteristics based on an illness she cannot see or touch. It is hard to tell other people who share my ambition and drive that there are times that I cannot join them for a reason that they cannot see or touch. And while sugar cravings, sleep deprivation, and cognitive impairment are not always linked with depression and often linked with something, I recognize them as documentable, visible proof of my illness. I have plenty of other proof, but sometimes I struggle to recognize it as such. That opens a whole new set of problems.
That being said, here are a few physical symptoms of depression that I find particularly interesting. Albert Einstein said that if you cannot explain something simply, you do not understand it well enough; let it be very clear that the fact that I can explain some of these things briefly do not mean I understand them well.
1) Sugar cravings and depression. When I am depressed I crave carbs like my life depends on it and even more interestingly, I actively avoid high protein foods. Blood sugar levels are linked to serotonin production, so my body is actually trying to up my serotonin level (of course, eating lots of refined sugars leads to a crash in sugar and potentially serotonin, so this is not the best long term self medication strategy). I once read a book that recommended eating a potato a night to help depression as potatoes are the perfect mix of sugar and starch: I haven't tried this but I don't doubt that it would at least positive short term effects. This is a great example of the ways that the physical manifestations of depression can affect your life in addition to the physical ones: periodic, all consuming sugar cravings don't do wonders for weight loss efforts. It's not easy telling your body that it wants salmon when you know that eating bread will make your mind feel better for a few hours.
2) Sleep deprivation and depression. This article in NYTimes about a year ago prompted good discussion about the effect of sleep deprivation in treating postpartum depression. Sleep deprivation is one of the most common triggers and symptoms of mania. I know from experience that sleep deprivation can be a very useful way to keep depression at bay for a few days; however, if you're bipolar it can swing you back around the other way. 3) Cognitive functionality and depression. See here for a literature review on the effects of depression on different types of cognitive functions. I feel a series of conflicting emotions when I read an article like this: I know that depression is linked to processing speed, but I'm sad I know it, but I'm really happy that you know it now! This one is particularly difficult because many medications that treat mental illness, such as lithium, have as a side effect the feeling of mental lethargy or tiredness. There have been several times over the past two years when I've almost stopped taking my medications because of this feeling, only to feel the fog lift, like the fog over San Francisco on a summer day, just a few days later. This is another example of the ways that the physical manifestations of depression, not only the mental ones, can severely impact one's quality of life. There are days, sometimes a week, at work when I simply know that I'm not myself, that I'm sleep deprived and having a tough time remembering my boss' name, and it doesn't do great things for my self confidence.
This might seem like a particularly self indulgent blog post: does she really need to document the particular physiology of her disease? In fact I do: In fact this evidence makes me feel better about my illness and my diagnosis while at the same time making me feel much worse about almost everything else. It is hard for someone who pushes herself to achieve, to always be better and better, to be told that she has limitations and immutable characteristics based on an illness she cannot see or touch. It is hard to tell other people who share my ambition and drive that there are times that I cannot join them for a reason that they cannot see or touch. And while sugar cravings, sleep deprivation, and cognitive impairment are not always linked with depression and often linked with something, I recognize them as documentable, visible proof of my illness. I have plenty of other proof, but sometimes I struggle to recognize it as such. That opens a whole new set of problems.
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