Recently, a colleague of mine decided to disclose her mental illness. Unlike me, she did so in an explosive and public fashion. I applaud the idea of disclosure in almost every context, and I understand intimately what a difficult decision and process it can be. However, her disclosure offends and deeply saddens me.
This person decide to create a "slogan" around her disclosure and ask people to repost the slogan as their Facebook statuses. The slogan is "We are all mentally ill". She frequently writes that we have all been there, we all fought mental illness and we all understand what it feels like.
Mental illness is not like food poisoning or the common cold: we have not all been there. If you felt sad in your dorm room in the rain one day, you may not understand what compelled a Columbia student to (maybe) take her own life. If you sometimes have moods you do not understand, you may not understand what it feels to have bipolar disorder. "Crazy" is not a medical diagnosis, just like "funny" or "cute" are not. If you feel crazy sometimes, you no more understand mental illness than someone with jittery fingers from too much sugar understands diabetes. To suggest that "everyone has been there" undermines my illness and my struggle to educate people who in fact do not and most likely (by the grace of God) never will.
Secondly, this person mentioned that she feels it could be "her duty to suffer for the benefit of others". Matyrdom has not been a good tactic since Joan of Arc, and even she fought like hell. Resisting treatment in an attempt to keep your symptoms strong or "rally the troops" is, well, exactly the same as a cancer figher resisting chemotherapy to spread awareness of the cause. It's hard to spread awareness of your cause when you are dead, locked up, psychotic, or otherwise not a functioning member of society. It is sad to believe that someone would feel that she needs to suffer to have her voice heard. I have never managed my illness better in my entire life and I feel that that makes me a better advocate and educator than I could have been before.
It may seem like I am attacking this poor girl, who might suffer from mental illnesses and for whom I should have empathy and respect for sharing. I do respect what I believe she is trying to do and I have empathy for the symptoms that seem to control her life at times, perhaps the way that my symptoms control my life. But I do not respect her method of disclosure or her message. This makes me wonder about my disclosure and my message. For each of you who has expressed pride in my writing and this blog, and helped me gain confidence in my voice and my story, there is no doubt someone who feels that my method of disclosure is inappropriate or small. I encourage those people to contact me, because I do not want to be perceived as I perceive my colleague without my knowledge. If I have insulted you or hurt you, I am sorry.
This person decide to create a "slogan" around her disclosure and ask people to repost the slogan as their Facebook statuses. The slogan is "We are all mentally ill". She frequently writes that we have all been there, we all fought mental illness and we all understand what it feels like.
Mental illness is not like food poisoning or the common cold: we have not all been there. If you felt sad in your dorm room in the rain one day, you may not understand what compelled a Columbia student to (maybe) take her own life. If you sometimes have moods you do not understand, you may not understand what it feels to have bipolar disorder. "Crazy" is not a medical diagnosis, just like "funny" or "cute" are not. If you feel crazy sometimes, you no more understand mental illness than someone with jittery fingers from too much sugar understands diabetes. To suggest that "everyone has been there" undermines my illness and my struggle to educate people who in fact do not and most likely (by the grace of God) never will.
Secondly, this person mentioned that she feels it could be "her duty to suffer for the benefit of others". Matyrdom has not been a good tactic since Joan of Arc, and even she fought like hell. Resisting treatment in an attempt to keep your symptoms strong or "rally the troops" is, well, exactly the same as a cancer figher resisting chemotherapy to spread awareness of the cause. It's hard to spread awareness of your cause when you are dead, locked up, psychotic, or otherwise not a functioning member of society. It is sad to believe that someone would feel that she needs to suffer to have her voice heard. I have never managed my illness better in my entire life and I feel that that makes me a better advocate and educator than I could have been before.
It may seem like I am attacking this poor girl, who might suffer from mental illnesses and for whom I should have empathy and respect for sharing. I do respect what I believe she is trying to do and I have empathy for the symptoms that seem to control her life at times, perhaps the way that my symptoms control my life. But I do not respect her method of disclosure or her message. This makes me wonder about my disclosure and my message. For each of you who has expressed pride in my writing and this blog, and helped me gain confidence in my voice and my story, there is no doubt someone who feels that my method of disclosure is inappropriate or small. I encourage those people to contact me, because I do not want to be perceived as I perceive my colleague without my knowledge. If I have insulted you or hurt you, I am sorry.
I agree with your comments about your co-worker. I have bipolar too and I find her approach baffling and a little frustrating.
ReplyDeleteLet me reassure you that I think your approach is a much better one.