Meditation and Mania

Recently, I've been meditating on planes. The ~80 minute flight I've been taking is the perfect opportunity to enjoy a quiet, seated meditation and I've enjoyed having that time built into my day. Yesterday, I was experiencing some hypomanic symptoms while I tried to meditate and the results were quite interesting.

Maybe This Time

Apologies for the delay in posting - there has been a lot going on in my life, related to bipolar symptoms and otherwise, and I feel like I'm in a bit of a craeative black hole. However, I thought I'd pull together a post about some recent events.

One of the worst things about this illness is regretting actions I took and choices I made before diagnosis and treatment. To an outsider, I was a healthy and even highly functional human being but to those I allowed close to me I was a mess. My decisions were driven by fear: fear of something that I couldn't identify (until later, when it happened and a cruelly honest part of me was relieved to finally understand what it was I had been trying to avoid for all this time). I clung to people I thought could protect me and I pushed away those I thought might bring me closer to the edge. These were often the same people.