Next time I'll be braver

Over the last week, I've shared a lot of changes happening in my life with those close to me: my upcoming move, change in career, and changes in living situations. The fnalization and fast arrival of these changes is starting to cause me a little bit of stress - where am I going to live in a few weeks? Am I going to be successful on my new career path? Why am I leaving behind something so good? I'm also in a blessed spot with my illness; while it affects everything I do, I am managing it through medication, lifestyle choices, and love. By the grace of God, the universe, my family, lithium, and sheer, beautiful, shimmering luck, I am in this blessed spot.

Meditation

It's been a long time since my last post, mostly because I went on a 10 day silent meditation retreat. The experience was transformational and much needed. During my ten days there, I learned a lot about how little I am able to trust my self and yet, on the other hand, I gained a great deal of trust in my ability to cope and handle difficult situations.

Just Me

On Thursday, I got some exciting news. The news made me feel. First I felt relieved, then I felt happy, and nervous, and terrified, and jubilant, and all sorts of things. A year ago, this would have been awful and uncomfortable. I would have worried about why I was feeling a certain way, whether it meant my medication was at the wrong level, whether I was headed for unsustainable highs or a crash. I wasn't able to trust any of my own feelings and emotions, and my world was volatile and uncomfortable if not stable and dull.